Shouldn’t October be the 8th month?
This is my first blog post in quite a while. I took a few months off because I couldn’t really think of anything to write about, and I really just didn’t feel like writing anyway.
It was a cool summer. It was a cruel summer. Good and bad. I have made great progress in a lot of areas. I was able to lose nine pounds, or six percent of my body weight, which has made a big difference in my A1C number. Goal met! Happy Doctor! I have also made great progress in my personal life, thanks to friends for support and encouragement, and also in my mental life.
You see, for the past several years I just felt a bit off. I’ve been way too stressed, which leads to all kinds of issues, and just builds into depression. A couple of years ago I began to realize that, and I started taking St. John’s Wort. Which helped (some), for a while. After a rough winter and spring, and then a summer of highs and low lows, I had finally had enough. I admitted to myself that I was suffering from depression.
For years I believed that if just a couple things would go right for once I would be happy again, I could make myself happy again. I was determined that I didn’t need medication to give me a “false” sense of happiness. I was convinced that it wasn’t good for you, and caused all sorts of other, worse problems.
Boy, was I wrong.
On September 4th, I went to see my doctor.
We discussed some options, and he decided that we’d try a low dose of Lexapro. I practically ran to the pharmacy. I took my first dose that evening, and went to bed. I slept like a rock for the first time in weeks. Everyone said it would take two or three weeks to get adjusted to the medicine. The very next morning I knew it was already working.
It was an incredible eye-opening epiphany. I absolutely was not expecting to feel such a difference, especially after just one dose. I felt the stress melt away, the tightness that had always been present in my chest for the past several years was gone, or nearly so; I felt I could finally relax, and that it was ok to relax.
I seemed to have more energy, at least until noon when I started to crash big time. I ended up having to leave work early and go home and nap. The next few days were the same, as I adjusted I ended up needing a nap on the afternoon, but that need diminished, and only lasted a few days.
This has been a profoundly wonderful experience.
I am a happier, better adjusted person. It’s not a drug induced haze of happiness, either. I had feared that. It is a REAL change, a real feeling that I can indeed handle what comes next, and that its okay. I am thinking clearer. I am viewing the world and the life events around me clearer, and much more rationally.
Much. More. Rationally.
I am sad that I wasted so much time and energy by way of my denial for so long, but I’m happy that I finally overcame my denial. There was something that went wrong with me, mentally, I guess. And its okay to admit it.
You’ll have to pry this bottle of Lexapro out of my cold, dead fingers, because I’m NOT going back to that person I had become, that person wasn’t me.
A recent post on Facebook led me to un-friend, unlike, or block a Diabetes information site. I felt it was inflamatory ill-advised, and after reading the comments generated by it, I posted my own comment- basically that I was disgusted, and blocked it.
The post produced comments from Type 1’s attacking Type 2’s, and Type 2’s attacking Type 1’s. And it disgusted me. I mean, really? Isn’t this damn disease enough of a pain in the ass (finger?) by itself? Do we need to be attacking each other? You don’t see cancer patients arguing over which kind is worse. Save that energy for the insurance companies for Christ’s sake!
Listen, wether you are a Type 1 or a Type 2 doesn’t matter.
Put simply, we have traveled to the same city, Diabetes City. Some of us may have driven here, and some of us got to fly here. But we are BOTH here. So while you are here stay safe, avoid the bad neighborhoods, pay attention to the road signs, and be nice to those you meet.
Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes are different, and challenging in their own ways, but ultimately the end result is the same.
There is a point in the movie Finding Memo where the three sharks turn to each other and say: “Denial!”
I feel kind of like that lately; I’m in Diabetes denial, or maybe it’s rebellion. Either way I’m off track a bit…and I don’t want to get back on. Just not real interested.
It’s been a rough winter. Climatology-wise and also financially. Got off track. CVS Caremark doesn’t care that I REALLY like the Bayer Contour Next test strips, they were working for me, keeping me motivated and on track. They forced me to change back to the One touch, and I hate them, I don’t want to test, so I avoid it. I tried to fight the change, but I didn’t have the energy to fight all the red tape they throw at you. I found I can get the Bayer strips on Amazon for about the same as I am paying for the One touch, but I can’t use the Flex card to pay for them and I haven’t had the extra $30 lately to do it. Frustrating. Hah, a reminder to test just popped up and I’m ignoring it. So there.
I saw the Dr. a couple weeks ago, and he said I was doing great, which was just another reason to slack off. It’s been too cold & snowy to do much of anything outside but shovel snow so we can get back and forth to work, so we end up sitting on the couch watching TV most of the time. It was 60 degrees today, and I finally was able to put all the boxes of Christmas decorations back in storage, but it’s supposed to snow again tonight. Seriously. Five inches or so. Seriously.
I’d just like a little bit of a break.
An excellent view/vision of/for Indycar.